Still waiting....

We talked...
he opened his heart to me
in ways nobody ever has
he promised me change
and as he said the things he would never do again
I found myself silently promising the same thing
I forgave him...
I couldnt help it...
I love him
I really really do
we are not back together....
he asked me out, I said no.
I know i'l say yes, eventually
but for now, i am waiting
waiting for something
something from him
he will have to to find out what that something is
till then, we wait

Unappreciated

I broke up with peaches today at 2.23am
I cant deny that it was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever done.
But I did it anyway...
though I could feel the bile rising in my throat
and the hot tears about to spill from my eyes
I still did it,
I had to
I was tired of feeling unappreciated
just tired....

Me

Maybe Its Just Not Me

I'm hurting us...
I know it and you know it,
And it hurts.
I know i am different from the girl you fell in love with.
So much has changed.
Tenderness is gone, all there is, is hostility and pain.
Where there was once Fun and Life, there is now Boredom.
If only you knew how I feel everytime I say no to going out
If only you knew the inhibitions holding me back.
I think you stay because you hope the me you love will return
but I fear that that me has left the building.
I feel sorrow for that part of me that is dead.
Because when I look into your eyes, I see that you miss her so,
the me with joy and laughter and life.
Were there was hope there is now fear
the fear that this me may be too hard for you to bear
the fear that someday you will up and leave
 in disappointment of the loss of who I used to be.
I love you and dont want to let you go,
but still i am wise enough to know
that your heart longs for that missing part
and I fear that maybe its just not me.

Appauling!!

I cannot believe that some human beings are so close minded. It is actually very sad to know.
How is it that someone can spend their whole life supporting a particular cause and in a blink of an eye, do everything to contradict it? It befuddles my mind. I was reading sugabelly's recent blog posts.I started reading her blog because she wrote about real things and her real opinions and I found it admirable. Anyway the particular posts that piqued my interest were the ones about her porn preferences.

I  have nothing against the first post, where she said she doesnt like black porn cos it hits so close to home. That is her opinion and though I dont share the opinion, I respect it. However, I was was quite appaled at the second post, it showed a picture of a nude overweight black woman. I am against it becaues of the following reasons:
1. Sugabelly claims to be a feminist, an "activist" of the pride of the black woman and then she comes and posts a nude picture of a black woman. I feel its very contradictory and shows a great deal of disrespect to the all black women.
2. I also feel like to her, overweight black women is all what black porn is all about and thats very wrong.
However, the really most shocking parts of this post were her replies to the comments people had left on the post. I thought she did not like "black" porn then all of a sudden it turned to "fat" porn? I just feel that was really inconsistent of her. If fat porn is her issue, why didnt she post a picture of a fat white woman?
3. The thing  that hit me the most was when she started talking about the "norm" for human beings?
norm? what the hell is that? i cant believe that in this modern day and age people still have such archaic views!!! there is no "norm" for the way a human being should look!!! everybody is unique, different and beautiful in their own way!!! there is no norm!!! that is absolutely ridiculous....

Words of A Drowning Soul

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'l do anything to end this nightmare!!!!

EVERYTHING!! ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!!! is going WRONG!!!!

GOD please!!!

I need you now, more than ever